i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
