Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
