I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
