Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
