cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
