why do cheetos always look like penises
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize