I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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