I checked into jail on foursquare
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
