i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
