i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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