I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
