I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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