I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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