so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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