great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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