She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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