So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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