This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
