Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
