his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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