so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Randomize
