It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize