We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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