I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
