I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
