My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk is not a location!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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