Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
