Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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