Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
