ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
