you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize