So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
