I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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