Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
