I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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