my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we're so committed to being not committed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
