when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
