I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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