white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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