if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
