My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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