I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
