if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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