after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
