He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
