i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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