Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The beer is more important than you right now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize