If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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