Banned from zoo.
Again?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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