i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize