I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
