I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
