hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
