Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
