Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
