You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
