where am i from again
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
