I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
