its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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