First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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