haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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