I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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