Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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