No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize