You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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