I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
