my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
