my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
