I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
