Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
