We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
