We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
