this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drake has all the answers
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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