I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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