Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
