If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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