Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
