So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
