Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Holy sore nipples Batman
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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