i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
