I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
