i think my tv is drunk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
