Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How's work?
Spinning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
