everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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