the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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