mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
