You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
