The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
