I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
