yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
