3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
