are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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