Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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