he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize