i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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