Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
