Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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