I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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