got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
