After last night, I could never be a politician.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
