I am puke
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize