All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
