You can't motorboat a personality
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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