last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
