you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
