So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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