yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pants are for mortals
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
