can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
