where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
