oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
