I wanna bring you to show and tell
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
