I didn't shave. On purpose
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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